I have felt like I have been in a kind of a funk for a few weeks now.
There are times that I think the old traditions of mourning for a year or two were a good thing.
A close friend said that she remembers how the world went on as if nothing happened when she lost a parent and now I understand that feeling. So, while I continue my day to day stuff, nothing is really bringing me much joy right now. I spend quite a bit of time thinking about what I should be doing to find joy. More than anything, I think time will be the key. I think it is fine to be sad when I feel sad, and to cry when I feel like crying. It would be nice if this wasn't such a solitary journey, but then grief is different for each of us, so it must be that way. When a woman was expected to wear black and mourn for a year or two, she wore a visible reminder to the world that she had lost someone she loved. No one could pass it over or forget because there was always an obvious visible sign present. In our current busy life, we move along quickly after a loss, those around us can easily forget as they resume their also busy lives, or they don't know what to say or do and so your loss is not mentioned If we smile and carry on, it is assumed we are doing fine. Well, that may or may not be the case of course. Maybe Father's Day added to my sadness or maybe it is just part of the process of recovering from losing a best friend and great Dad. One friend said, oh I'm worried about you, it has been 6 months. Well, I think 6 months is a blink, and while I don't doubt I will feel better some day,
I'm just not sure when exactly that day will be.
And so, when something comes in the mail that just makes me smile, well, that is a gift for sure.
Anders made a card for me to thank me for staying with him last month.
The Front - Not sure if this is a chicken or a cardinal.
The Inside - Maybe it is a pig?
It was fun and easy to 'take kar uv' him.
The back - No question here, this is the puke from when Anders upchucked while we were in the milking parlor at the farm..
This really made me smile.