Sunday, November 29, 2015

Grief is very personal

When Ev and then Dad died last year, I learned a lot about grief.  It was a hard lesson to learn and every day I learn more about how personal a loss can be.  I've said before, that it made me realize that what we say to a person who has suffered a loss, should be carefully considered.  It felt hurtful to me when people would say "everything will be alright".  But expressing concern and sincere sympathy was helpful.  Sometimes the less said the better, and listening is good.

I remember what Dad said on the 2nd or 3rd day after Ev's stroke:   "I have faced that this has happened, I realize I can't do anything about it, and now I just need to get the right attitude about it."

I knew when he said it, I should remember it and as it turned out, this was very good advice as I faced the loss of my Dad.  I am thinking about what Dad said now as we face losing Gus at such a young age.  

For a long time, I struggled with what went wrong for Dad in the hospital, mulling over every detail that I could remember.  Finally, I saw this quote and it made me realize, that this can be true.

Grief demands an answer, sometimes there isn't one. 
His life couldn't be saved.  Period.

As I face life without Ev, Dad & now Gus, I know things will never be the same.  I am grateful for a close family who supports each other and helps each other as we each deal with the loss in our own way.  I am glad for lives well lived and for the end of pain & suffering.  But mostly, right now, I am sad.

Gus at his deer stand in The Barrens.
He loved to be in the woods.

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