It's okay

I read something today about grief that resonated with me.

Basically, it said it is okay to feel sad for a day, a month, years, whatever feels right to you.  

Losing a loved one is not a cookie cutter deal, each one learns as they go through a loss.

  

I have several friends who have recently experienced a loss in their lives.  

I hope that they find their way without pressure to 'get over it'.  

2016 in Colorado

I still feel sad about Dad and Ev.  I was thinking about it this weekend as it is the anniversary of Ev's stroke.  She lived 5 days after a major stroke event and it was the saddest 5 days of my Dad's life.  I remember clearly our daily phone conversations and how hard it was for him.  He sat by her bed and stayed there at night the whole time.  He was not interested in eating, sleeping or leaving.  He just wanted to be there with her.  

Dad said something that I hope I never forget.  He said that he was at the point where he accepts what had happened, realized he can't do anything about it and then just needed to get the right attitude about it.  

I've thought of this many times over the past 3 years.  

And I think I have been successful in getting the right attitude about losing both Ev and Dad.  But it was no easy journey.  Nothing anyone could say made me feel any better and I was very angry at first, replaying every step of Dad's care and finding fault with much of it.  I continue to be disappointed with the hospital care Dad received after his surgery, that probably won't change, but I have accepted that Dad had a wonderful 92 years and truthfully, without Ev, he would have struggled and he would never have felt the joy of those previous 25 years with her.  So, I am sad but glad for his life that ended without prolonged illness, sadness or pain.

Having said that, I know I will feel pain and sorrow every year at this time as I remember how quickly their lives changed and ended.

I miss you two, 

I think of you everyday, 

I miss your laugh and your wisdom.

And it's okay.

I'm lucky to have had you in my life as parents and best friends.