I attended the memorial service for my second cousin's wife, Christine. Neil and I are the same age and our parents were good friends growing up in West Denmark. Neil and Chris had been married 50 years. Neil read this writing of his at her service. I wanted to save it and found it posted on a webpage https://30secondread.com/
She’s not gone. But you’re alone
BY NEIL HENRIKSEN ON APRIL 23, 2023
Editor’s note: We depart today, for the first time in more than 400 essays, from publishing essays with exactly 180 words. You’ll understand after reading this beautifully tender reflection. It was prompted by the death Friday of the author’s wife, Christine, in Sun City, Arizona. May it help us help those who must help loved ones with dementia.
Dementia.
It’s like saying Kleenex. Everyone knows what you mean, but so many types.
Dementia begins slowly.
Lost words, minor confusion.
Then it’s a softer and softer voice.
What did you say? I missed that.
Friends don’t call anymore. You’re not invited to the parties.
Slowly, but there, more and more distancing.
Soon, you’re alone, but for the one or two people who understand.
Time and progression.
Balance issues.
Slower and slower walking.
Words, not sentences. Conversation, a thing in memories.
Sleeping more and more.
Loneliness.
Boredom.
Problems eating, drinking and swallowing.
Trouble standing, dressing.
Can’t make a decision.
Makes you wonder how the person with the dementia feels and their perception of the world. Could it be the same as the caregiver?
. . . . .
After the service and the lunch, I had a good visit with Sister In Law Lois, & cousin Gary, who had traveled to Wisconsin from Iowa for the day. I asked our cousin Julie to snap a couple of photos of us. We will call it a Cousins Reunion.
After, I went out to the cemetery to water plants at Dad & Ev's bench, Gary came along and we had a fantastik! visit. We sat on Dad's bench so long that my butt hurt. We also walked around to see great grandparents and grandparents.
It was a good day as so often happens when friends and relatives gather to say goodbye, there is a good side effect of renewing our relationships.
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